Issue29 9th Dec 2003
Transmitting Satire From Scotland
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Virtual
Tour of Scotland FirstFoot Jaggy Thistle Wreckered Webrag |
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A Little Less Conversation, A Little More Reaction!"Hey folks! I'm really, really, looking forward to hearing what you have to say to me, I absolutely am! Not just the voice of Middle Britain, but the voices of my good friends the Hinduja Brothers, and you know, everyone else! I am really looking forward to hearing your opinions on our tranche of wonderful policies, although I know you will like them - they really are the only possible sensible direction, aren't they! I am utterly convinced that we are going in the right direction, but you know, it's good to talk, to really really connect with the electorate, isn't it?" Sincere smile. "Anyway, I can't stop, meetings to go to, presidents to meet, you know. Byee! Bye!"If you would like Tony Blair to know what you think on the subject of, you know, anything, go to The Big Conversation. |
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Scots Crisis of Confidence Conference"So, we're all agreed," said the chairman of the Govan-based Scots Crisis of Confidence Conference, Carol Craig. "Scots suffer from a crisis of confidence. What are we going to do about it?""So, we're all agreed," said the chairman of the Smart Successful Scotland Conference, Jim Wallace. "Scots suffer from a lack of entrepreneurial spirit. What are we going to do about it?" "Anyone got an answer?" "Anyone?" : : : : : : Meanwhile, outside, their hubcaps went missing.... |
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Glasgow BridgeThe competition to build a new footbridge over the Clyde in Glasgow has finished, and a winner been chosen. Neptune's Way! The winner speaks of a classical connection with the sea, of that crappy 80s sailing soap, and above all, of an unfeasibly large curve for which noone can quite work out the reason. And all it will cost is £40 million! £40 MILLION!! For that money it would be possible to make a bridge out of the bones of murdered clones of Britney Spears, or the diamond-encrusted salvaged hull of the Bismark. No imagination, these bridge designers.
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Christmas Credit Card Scamsby our Consumer CorrespondentIn the run up to Christmas, we should all be aware of the credit and debit card scams out there. For example, did you know that by looking over your shoulder, a pickpocket can gain your PIN and later relieve you of your card? Or that they sometimes use secret cameras to record your PIN or even the account number on your card? Now consumer watchdogs are warning us to be aware of a new scam. This involves the banks and government conspiring to encourage you to get into more debt than you can afford, in order to keep the country's economy from slumping. Watch out! Although it seems OK because everyone else is doing it, you will end up buying more than you really want, and it will only hurt more when the final bill comes in. Next week's advice: your debt Bad, public sector borrowing requirement Good. |